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Wigs
The Oncologist told me I’d be losing my hair once treatment starts. It wasn’t something I wanted to hear. My hair has always felt like my life force….my own version of Samson’s strength…..and imagining myself without it felt devastating. But after the initial sting, I did what I’ve been doing with everything lately, I gathered… Continue reading
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Coping
Over a week of coughing up phlegm, speaking through a stale, worn-out voice. The flu is finally passing. Today, I ran a half-marathon just to quiet my mind. To breathe. To try to hold myself steady before the storm of this coming week. Soon, I’ll learn what comes next, treatment, work, life. The shape of… Continue reading
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Roadkill
Fifty-five miles per hour down a two-lane rural road.I caught it in my peripheral vision—right shoulder—front paws stretched, hind legs exploding across the asphalt. I glanced at the rear-view mirror; another vehicle trailed close behind. Stopping wasn’t an option.An oncoming car approached from ahead—swerving wasn’t an option either. Maybe it will stop.Maybe it will make… Continue reading
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64
Gadolinium, a rare-earth element forged in the violent deaths of ancient stars, will enter my bloodstream tomorrow. It feels surreal to think that something born billions of years ago, long before Earth even existed, is now being used to help diagnose what’s happening inside me. It will arrive already chelated, safely held in a molecular… Continue reading
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Carcinoma
5:30 a.m.I woke up and checked my email before my eyes were even fully open.A new test result has been posted…read the alert. I reached for my glasses on the nightstand, opened MyChart, and there it was….. the pathology results I’d been waiting on all weekend. Invasive carcinoma……Not the words I wanted to see. I… Continue reading
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Waiting
Waiting breeds anticipation.What is anticipation, really….at least in physiological terms? It’s the body’s quiet chemistry experiment: neurotransmitters surging, hormones firing, the amygdala alert. Cortisol and norepinephrine rise, with a delicate dash of dopamine, hope and fear mixing in the bloodstream. While those chemicals play their dance, the mind searches for distraction. Maybe by finishing that… Continue reading
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The Ancient City
I envisioned myself running into the ancient city of Karakorum…sweaty, salt-streaked, and stinking of seven days beneath the Mongolian sun. My pack bounced against my back as the crew clapped, cheering me toward the finish line. “You doing, OK?” someone called out. Then, suddenly, I was back. The sound faded, replaced by the hum of… Continue reading
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Surgical Specialists Wing
This is where I met a man named Niles at reception. His nameplate gleamed under the soft lobby light as he greeted me and asked for my name. I was forty minutes early……pacing at home had done little to pass the time, so I left home just to get this visit over with. Niles took… Continue reading
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Exploring James Patterson’s Unstoppable Creativity
I found out today that James Patterson will be in town tomorrow. At home, I have a running joke about his Alex Cross series. I started reading the books after The Great American Read list came out a few years ago and decided I’d take on the challenge of reading all 33 of his novels… Continue reading
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Same
It’s been a while, hasn’t it?So much has shifted, yet in some ways everything feels the same. No biopsy after all…. a relief I didn’t realize I was holding my breath for.My husband is walking with a cane now, a small but meaningful victory.There’s a potential job on the horizon, though the long two-hour commute… Continue reading
