writing
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Red Electrical Outlet
“Do you know what the orange electrical outlet stands for?” “I have no idea…though that looks more red than orange, don’t you think?” I replied to my husband as we sat in the doctor’s office waiting on the results of my latest labs. “There’s a red switch too. Let’s find out,” he said, already pulling… Continue reading
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Third Day
Day 3 has been the toughest. I sit here typing, shivering beneath a multicolored yarn blanket my mom knitted many years ago. My husband is in the far corner of the room, laptop open, headphones on…..present, steady, in his own quiet lane. I kept my routine nutrition plan and completed my 45-minute outdoor workout. I… Continue reading
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First Day of Chemotherapy
It was a good day…..better than I expected. We made the 30-minute drive to the cancer center and checked in about three minutes late. Within moments, they had me back for vitals and then guided me to the infusion area. I was assigned a nurse and asked to take a seat in a comfortable recliner.… Continue reading
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Max Heart Rate
If I’m going to put myself through treatment, I might as well make it worthwhile. I decided early on that if my experience can help someone else in the future, then I’ll gladly contribute. So, I volunteered as a test subject, agreeing to follow a prescribed workout regimen throughout treatment and undergo periodic physiological testing… Continue reading
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Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Despite everything, I’m still here feeling grateful. I believe I’ll be ok…but I’m also learning to make peace with the possibility that things may not always go that way, and, well……. that’s part of the journey too. Today my mind wandered to memories I didn’t expect. Just a year ago, we brought… Continue reading
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Roadkill
Fifty-five miles per hour down a two-lane rural road.I caught it in my peripheral vision—right shoulder—front paws stretched, hind legs exploding across the asphalt. I glanced at the rear-view mirror; another vehicle trailed close behind. Stopping wasn’t an option.An oncoming car approached from ahead—swerving wasn’t an option either. Maybe it will stop.Maybe it will make… Continue reading
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64
Gadolinium, a rare-earth element forged in the violent deaths of ancient stars, will enter my bloodstream tomorrow. It feels surreal to think that something born billions of years ago, long before Earth even existed, is now being used to help diagnose what’s happening inside me. It will arrive already chelated, safely held in a molecular… Continue reading
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Carcinoma
5:30 a.m.I woke up and checked my email before my eyes were even fully open.A new test result has been posted…read the alert. I reached for my glasses on the nightstand, opened MyChart, and there it was….. the pathology results I’d been waiting on all weekend. Invasive carcinoma……Not the words I wanted to see. I… Continue reading
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Waiting
Waiting breeds anticipation.What is anticipation, really….at least in physiological terms? It’s the body’s quiet chemistry experiment: neurotransmitters surging, hormones firing, the amygdala alert. Cortisol and norepinephrine rise, with a delicate dash of dopamine, hope and fear mixing in the bloodstream. While those chemicals play their dance, the mind searches for distraction. Maybe by finishing that… Continue reading
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The Ancient City
I envisioned myself running into the ancient city of Karakorum…sweaty, salt-streaked, and stinking of seven days beneath the Mongolian sun. My pack bounced against my back as the crew clapped, cheering me toward the finish line. “You doing, OK?” someone called out. Then, suddenly, I was back. The sound faded, replaced by the hum of… Continue reading
